Finding Our Way Through The Valley
Transition in Modern Times
By Cantor Jacqueline Menaker
At a time of personal loss or transition, one of the most profound comforts provided by Jewish tradition is its recognition of the marking of time and the consistent presence of ritual, law, and customs which provide structure and sense of purpose to our lives.
But what happens when a loss or life transition doesn’t fit neatly into the rabbinic concept and the ritual structure for mourning or mikveh? How do we acknowledge or grieve when certain traditional prayers are “off limits” by Jewish tradition?
Have you ever experienced a loss in which you were unable to grieve without a feeling of guilt, perhaps feeling that your loss was considered “less than” in some way?
As a pastoral counselor , I have accompanied countless people through the “valley of the shadows” over the past twenty years. And no matter the specifics of an individual (and sometimes collective ) loss – the ensuing grief is valid, and its validation is a necessary and important part of the healing process.
“Disenfranchised grief, also known as hidden grief or sorrow, refers to any grief that goes unacknowledged or unvalidated by social norms.This kind of grief is often minimized or not understood by others, which makes it particularly hard to process and work through.” C. RaypoleRaypole, Healthline
Additionally, when one is seeking guidance, validation, or a ritual found within Jewish tradition, a deeper layer of disenfranchisement may occur when those sources either don’t exist or support the mourner. Unrecognized relationships, societally considered “less significant” relationships, non-death loss, losses surrounded by stigma, or grieving while being excluded from mourning are all examples of a disenfranchised grief – or loss that may be minimized or dismissed by society.
Fundamental to my work over the past decade has been creating authentically Jewish ways to express and process grief as well as the marking positive and challenging moments of transition in our lives. To this end there has been an explosion of newly created rituals and prayers that are grounded in Jewish text and practice to help during these times.
If you would like to learn more about new Jewish rituals and liturgies that can help navigate the loss and grief process, as well as, Jewishly inspired rituals for moments of joyful life transitions, please join me on May 11 and 25 for an introduction to these practices at the next Connect with Cantor Jacki series.
I hope to see you then.
B’ahavah (with love),
Cantor Jacqueline Menaker
Reform Spiritual Leader