Holding Both Joy and Grief: A Jewish Perspective
Yet, our tradition teaches that a funeral and a wedding may process toward the intersection of life at precisely the same time. And when that occurs, the heartache of loss makes room, at least for a moment, to celebrate with the bride and groom first.
Our news feeds contain joyful images of relieved families reunited following the horror of brutal abduction, along with images of orphaned children, and childless parents emerging from the darkness. The 24/7 news cycle shares updates of round the clock negotiations with untrustworthy foes that have yielded fruit.
And for this we must be grateful.
How do we as come together to hold both the pain and the joy and keep from losing ourselves in the process? How can we effectively help others while we are consumed with such heaviness?
Dr. Ora Horn Prouser, Bible Scholar and Academic Dean of the Academy for Jewish Religion writes in the Times of Israel:.
“The prophet Ezekiel anticipated our emotional turmoil. In Ezekiel 24:16 the prophet is told by God that “the delight of his eyes”, his wife, is going to die as a symbolic act, and Ezekiel is forbidden from engaging in mourning customs. This is meant to symbolize what is going to happen when the Temple is destroyed, that no one will engage in any mourning customs. Rashi asks why they wouldn’t be able to engage in mourning customs after the destruction of the Temple. (Ezekiel 24:22) His answer is that it’s because at that point, everyone will be mourners, and mourning customs only work when there are non-mourners who are consolers. When there are no non-mourners, mourning customs just don’t work.”
How do we function when we are all mourners – albeit on totally different levels?
“…..it’s ok to admit that we are all mourners. How many of the customs and societal norms that we take for granted get lost when we are all mourners? And while we celebrate the return of the first groups of hostages, our hearts are with all of those who are still in captivity. Since October 7, the world around us has changed. Alliances have shifted, viewpoints have moved. We find ourselves in uncharted territory. Some whom we thought we could count on as allies have not come through. Some people around us have stepped up in ways we never would have expected. We spend every day praying for the release of the hostages, passing heartbreaking hours making sure to read, watch videos, listen to the news and bear witness to all that is happening. We do all of this against the backdrop of a war in Israel where we have not yet seen a clear picture of what things will look like after the war. And we do all of this against the backdrop of a terrifying rise in antisemitism in the United States, a level of hatred and violent rhetoric that we never thought we would see in our own schools, communities, and backyards.”
How will you lead?
As a leader and member of Jewish clergy and an ardent Zionist, I will strive to continue to create a culture of dialogue and openness with others.
I will strive to lean into difficult conversations with partners who are open to dialogue.
I will continue to be an available resource, understanding that I may not have answers, but will commit to exploring every possible pathway.
I will try to lean deeply into my relationships with “another” – so that they do not become
a disconnect from the “other”
I will not close off our shut down…no matter how deep the pain. I will focus on a hopeful future with love.
Baruch atah Adonai matir assurim
Blessed are You, Holy One, who frees the captives
B’ahavah (With Love)
Cantor Jacki