Shabbat Hagadol Sermon (10 Nisan 5783 | 1 April 2023)

SHABBAT HAGADOL

The Great, or large, Shabbat. Shabbat Hagadol: what’s the big deal?

To elucidate, allow me to share some ofthe annual special exclusive edition of the Pesach Press of Atlantic City…

Remember the good old days? The really old days?

Long ago, there was a tradition that the community rabbi sermonized only a couple of times a year. Shabbat Hagadol, the one immediately preceding Pesach, was one occasion. Some say the rabbi would give a BIG — GADOL — sermon, spelling out the laws of preparing for and keeping Pesach. Others say NO WAY, way too much information way too late in the process. A month ago, right after Purim, maybe.

The name “Shabbat Hagadol” may be derived from the haftara for Shabbat Hagadol. Was the name was taken from the haftara or was that haftara chosen because it mentions a great (and fearsome) day? Or, the prophet Eliyahu is mentioned in the haftara …and is featured in the haggada. Coincidence? Perhaps.

However, whatever, or whomever, in the haftara, the prophet MALACHI proclaims that his colleague ELIYAHU will herald the LORD’S GREAT AND AWESOME DAY — or GREAT AND FEARSOME DAY — leading to an intergenerational reconciliation that will inaugurate a period of peace love harmony justice … or, at very least, says Malachi, “God will not strike the whole land with utter destruction.” (Only partial destruction? On a scale of one to ten? We don’t know.)

In the spirit of offering last-minute important information about preparing for Pesach, I will share some last-minute important information about preparing for Pesach. To help us assimilate (in the best way!) this vital information, remember that anything you order tonight after Shabbat, Amazon can probably get to you yesterday.

Questions will be entertained at the after-party following services.

HOW MUCH MATZA, HOW MUCH CHAMETZ?
by Rabbi Nudnik

In the Talmud — that encyclopedic compendium of sage wisdom, legal debate and digressive discourse, head-scratching superstition, nitpicking details, outlandish supposition, endless adjective/object combination — the rabbis pore over the fifth (or sixth) question: how much matza must a person eat to fulfill the obligation to eat matza?

Even more pressing is the sixth (or seventh) question: how much chametz consumed on Pesach (accidentally, of course) makes one liable for the transgression of the DO NOT EAT CHAMETZ Torah law?

One rabbi says: enough chametz to make up the bulk of an olive, but doesn’t explain what size olive, a bullet (about 3 grams) to an atlas (12.5 grams, close to half an ounce).

Another rabbi says: the bulk of an egg, but doesn’t explain what size egg: robin, turkey, ostrich.

Once they agree that it should be the bulk of an average olive or egg available in your local supermarket, they get into the weeds — or was it, the weed?

Here’s part of the text:
One who eats an olive bulk of olive is not liable.
One who eats an egg bulk of egg is not liable.
One who eats an olive bulk of egg, or an egg bulk of olive is liable.
If the olive contains pimento, or the egg is deviled, the pimento or mayonnaise does not count toward the bulk of chametz.
If the olive is in a glass of kosher-for-Pesach vodka, the toothpick does not count as part of the egg bulk of olive.
If you’ve had enough of that vodka so that you can’t tell the difference between an olive and an egg, you probably think it’s still Purim and should seek professional help.

FROM OUR READERS

Dear Rabbi Nudnik,

I have a cherished and valuable collection of fine refrigerator magnets. The theme of my collection is realistic depictions of breads from around the world. I have arepa, bageutte, bagel, bublik, challa, ciabatta, chapati, kapachuri, lavash, pita, pumpernickel, samoon, soda bread, vanochka…to name a few.
To safely secure and display my collection, I had my refrigerator door custom made (with humidity control, of course). For Pesach, do I have to cover it? And if one of my grandchildren, such as one of those from that son of mine who doesn’t believe in saying NO to his children, doesn’t listen and somehow gets into my collection and swallows a bread magnet — remember, it’s Pesach! — do I get to, I mean, HAVE TO plant him in my garden for a few days like my mother did with her kitchen knives?

Rabbi Nudnik: Excellent questions, not like those other ones. The answer is no and yes. No, you don’t have to cover it, as long as none of the magnets is simply a real mini loaf coated in varnish. A little bit of visual reminder that shver tzu zain a yid, it’s not easy being a Jew, is good for the children.
And yes, you have to plant the child for a day or so, but only up to the waist. And you may not dig the hole on a Shabbat that falls during Pesach.

KOSHER SCIENCE CORNER

Kosher science uses cutting edge technologies to make it easier to observe or circumvent the intricate and often arcane rabbinic interpretations of Torah that have become entrenched as authentic practice even though we know that early on the rabbis sought to make life easier for the children of Israel but over time…but I digress.

New Technologies for Pesach

Bedikat chametz, searching for chametz — you know, the candle, feather, spoon. The Cheerios that roll under the fridge that, earlier just that day, took two of you to move, the Cheerios that got stepped on; the wax dripping on good floor … and so on.

NOW, from L’EYLA2, meaning above and beyond, a high-tech firm based in the Mea Shearim neighborhood of Jerusalem (ticker is iFRUM) comes CRUMB-BUSTER and CRUMB-AWAYai night vision goggles crafted with a unique filter that enables the wearer to find even minute crumbs of chametz around the house. In that dark corner behind the sideboard? Under the sofa that hasn’t been moved since last Pesach? In your children’s jacket pockets even though you’ve told them over and over not to snack during recess?

L’EYLA2 CRUMB-BUSTER night vision goggles are for YOU!

But wait, there’s more!

Not only will the patented L’EYLA2 CRUMB-BUSTER night vision goggles locate all those bits of chametz — with the touch of button, a built-in laser will vaporize that chametz, making it k’afra d’ar’a, like the dust of the earth, if even that!

You will never again have to worry about a crawling baby finding a Cheerio that you missed and potentially contaminating your entire shissel of chicken soup just hours before the seder!

But wait, there’s more!

The advanced model, L’EYLA2 CRUMB-AWAYai, utilizes Artificial Intelligence to ferret out the cookies stashed in the back of the household files drawer to which no one else has access, or the pretzels under the sofa cushions, or the God-forbid-kitniyot peanut butter you were hoping no one would notice in the fruit bin. CRUMB-AWAYai is on it … and on to you.

So, rest easy erev Pesach — as if! — with CRUMB-BUSTER and CRUMB-AWAYai night vision goggles.

Do not use near flammable materials, or on Shabbat or yom tov.

Order today, be chametz-free yesterday!

chag sameiach! חַג שָׂמֵחַ